I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
