ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
