My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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