i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
