I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
