my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
