i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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