i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
