Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
