Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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