Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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