His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
