Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
