Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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