i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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