You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
