Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
