Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
