Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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