i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
