I will die if light touches me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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