I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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