I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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