capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
