mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
