I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
