It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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