But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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