People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
