Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
