We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
