It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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