This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
