I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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