I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
