The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
