mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
