Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
