Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
