This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
