we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
