in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im six kinds of drunk right now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
