in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im six kinds of drunk right now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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