I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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