my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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