Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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