My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this just has baby written all over it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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