3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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