Welp...herpes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
