Can i not drive my cunt home
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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