I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
