eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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