If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
