How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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