Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
