I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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