Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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