Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
