First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
