The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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