It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
two words...techno handjob
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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