he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
